Most of your life after becoming widowed is in my opinion readjusting to thinking and being one person, singular in your plans, your hopes and your dreams.
For me there weren’t many first, instead there was how to function alone. How to adjust my thinking from” till death do us part”, to single again. Do I want to stay alone or do I want to put myself back in the dating world in the hopes that I can find another someone to share the rest of my life with. I have even found myself battling with the thoughts of , is it fair for me to go after marriage again, when so many of my family and friends have not been given the opportunity a least one time.
The only first for me is living alone. I had left my mother’s home, went straight into a marriage at an early age. I got divorced, but had a child, then got married again until now my husband has died.
The realization hit me one day recently that this is the very first time that I have actually, literally lived alone. My husband is dead, my children are grown and have their own lives.
So how do I deal with that first?
In the beginning, it felt lonely, the silence was loud, sometimes eerie. But I made a conscious effort, to be alone, not lonely. Meaning that I did not, will not let the feeling of loneliness consume me.
I have come to the realization that if I allow myself to be consumed by my loneliness and not embrace my aloneness, I can make bad decisions, I can compromise my expectations and standards and accept things and people into my space that have no right being there.
So now, I fill my time, my alone time, with prayer and revisiting things that I had loved to do, but because of too many responsibilities or tiredness from making myself available to everyone else, I had neglected to partake in and enjoy.
I would never say that this totally fills the void for human companionship, and in those times when you feel that it’s really needed, visit a good friend or family or take yourself out to a very public place. Get more involved in church activities, not just your church, but other churches. Who knows, maybe God will send you a new companion there.
Written by Lorraine Anthony- Bynoe
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